This can be found in forms of thread on Twitter here and here
The Case Of Validation
Getting validation for your work or your takes… from someone you admire is high likely to mean that they respect you a little bit more than earlier. This enables you to interact with them more easily. Validation is not always about dopamine hits or inflating your ego.
The right amount of validation makes interactions easier. And easier interactions help in finding (forming?) your community - like minded people..
Genuine feedback = better interactions
Genuine feedback can lead to better interactions but this system can be gamified. Sometimes, people will agree with you unwillingly, provide flattery to fit in or to get along with you aka fake validation. Ince you see some 2nd order effects of things, you can not avoid feeling manipulative..
All of us have done this probably at some point of time, sometimes out of a motive, other times out a need I am still venturing in basic line of thought so nothing new.
i think manipulation is useful when you are finding to hard to interact with someone, you can always talk to them about their work or some quality & provide some feedback (the thing that people suggest in cold mails lol). This way they might get more open… & the loop continues.
I had once tweeted
sometimes it’s hard to decipher whether you are being complimented or manipulated
{{tweet user=“dejavucoder” id=“1564102877588496384”}}
to which one of my favourite twitter folks @ghuubear had replied
{{ tweet user=“ghuubear” id=“1564104722620960768”}}
“if you can be meaningfully complimented, you can be manipulated. in fact, you’re already manipulated when a compliment makes you feel good. the giver’s intent doesn’t matter. My point is slightly different. i’m saying it doesn’t matter if someone’s intentionally manipulative or not. it only matters if you’re easily manipulated”
Excess validation requirement and loneliness
It’s cool how validation & interactions might be related. If you are seeking lot of dopamine in life(without which you feel bored/bad/emptiness), then you are seeking interactions. This can mean you feel (or are) lonely. Note that You can feel lonely even if you are not alone.
Whose validation is most important?
Your boss’s and your mentor’s validation are the most important. If you are in college, your professor’s or your HOD’s validation is most important. The judges who can signficantly change your reality, their validation should be taken seriously.